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|Monday, March 7th, 2005|
|Mondays melt my brain.
I remember when snow melting was a good thing, it meant only a few more months of school, spring is on its way, flowers will soon be blooming, and grass green, but now its just seems like a sloppy mess that means water boots for the next few months! BLAH i am really crabby, i woke up to snow lots of snow, which means winter, cancled my plans, and fell back asleep. When i work up again everything is melting!!! WTF! Now i seem like a idiot, telling people i couldn't meet them today because of the snow! They are thinking,,,,umm crazy bitch! WHAT snow?? Yeah Mother Nature, Stop fucking with my head, either melt all this shit or dump some more, dont' do both in the same day! Like i am not confuessed enought where you have to mess with the weather! BAHHHHH I hate snow and i hate the slush, i am going to bed wake me up at the end of June! Thanks Current Mood: confused
|Sunday, March 6th, 2005|
First of all sorry britney for never writing in here...It seems like i never have time to go online even thought i really have all the time in the world. But i am doing GREAT! I have a large belly, but its really fun! lol its really funny when i try and put on any of my old shirts which just roll up over my belly to my boobs. I look like the really fat cartoon kids where they always have atleast 6 inches of belly showing all the time. BUT yeppers its fun, My family is planning my baby shower for May 7th, i wanted it in April but seeing "i am not in charge"... they said i have to have it in may when i am really fat and they all can point and laugh, in my family i have always been the smallest on, not tiny or anything just smaller the the others, and now my sis jessica is loosing weight as fast as i put it on...so they all love that i am now big! lol oh well. but i will let ya all know the exact time,and place later when i find out more, and ya all are more then welcome to drop buy and play some games and win some kicking prizes ohh and of couse eat lots of food!!! yummmmyyy! lol hum what else is up with me let me see, laura, jessica and i are still getting and appartment but we are all waiting for our tax returns so we can afford the deposit and other odds and ends, so with in the next month or so. Mario will be up at the end of April, he sends me $100 a week to help me get by but i save all of it in the bank! well thats about it bye bye Current Mood: chipper
|Friday, February 4th, 2005|
So i was sitting her reading everyones journal updates from the last like 2 weeks, and all of a sudden a pop up read in huge letters "Get a penis enlargment" next to the words was a picture of a penis (which looks nothing like mine) in some sort of a brace looking thing! Its very comical. After reading about how i could get my penis enlarged, i clicked out and continued to read new entries. About 3 mins later i struck gold, there once again in the middle of my screen was another pop-up..."Experiance the BEST orgasium ever" Who went to the site to get these pop ups...my guess is my 14 year old nephew. Or my sister.....or maybe it was me...ehgha. lol I dont' know i thought it was kind of funny though! well thats all i have to write about, same old same old shit! talk to ya all later Current Mood: pregnant
|Friday, January 28th, 2005|
|I think i am dieing... computer gave me a virus..
Wednesday night my dad called me to come over and make some floor plans for a house he is building, he could do this himself but because he just loves asking me to do little meaningless things there i was sitting at the computer i once sat at and chatted with friends...after about two house i was done but in standing up from the computer i got very dizzy. Almost sick to my stomach. Morning sickness is not a problem anymore so i chucked that from the "unknown cause," after going home i watched tv for a while and decieded it must have been a minute bug. Yesterday i woke up unable to breath, sneezing, coughing, and seeing things not really there. I hurt everywhere possable to hurt. In the late morning i fell asleep on the couch. About an hour later i woke up and felt like i was floating 10 feet above the floor,(note to all when feeling as if you are floating ten feet above the ground...don't look down.) I lost it well i mean the orange i ate and the apple juice i drank. not fun! After that i kept hearing voices...and thinking someone pulled in. After my sister got of work she got me some medician i could take, you see when your pregnant its best to die then take any meds. My fever went down i felt better. BTW Vicks sucks ass!!!! How are you suppose to clear up a stuffy nose with the vapers...when you can't even breath from your nose.. and its cheaper to put a raw onion in front of your nose...50 cents VS. 8 bucks! eh! Anyways today i felt better i sound like a 12 year old boy going through puberty but other then that i fell sooo much better. In closing i decieded that computers really need to have the flu shot once a year...because they pass viruses too! and it is no fun to float! Current Mood: sick
|Sunday, January 23rd, 2005|
|I hate men! someone please tell me what your purpose is?
JESUS! blah blah blah blah! We have science to pro-create, why the fuck do we need these fucking stupid, selfish, hyprocitical, gross habited, lazy assed, over-rated sex gods...WE CALL MEN! We don't! i would have know problem taken on the task of killing them off one by one! oh Happy 21st derek! I don't know wether i should shoot meself for being stupid again...or him for fucking up again...! His ass is soo lucky he is 1800 miles away. BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My shit list keeps growing so far there is; my dad, Bush, Mario, Will, Jeremy, that subway guy Jared (looked better fat), Tom Cruise (too pretty to be normal), bambi (who is too cute to exist anywhere but in the cartoon!! Does anyone see a pattern here....ALL MEN! I am cursed with all the reasons in the world to hate them but yet i am surrounded by them! If you have a penis and a sack between your legs watch out i will shoot! Current Mood: cold
|Saturday, January 22nd, 2005|
|snow blowing is what i like to do la la la
What the fuck i dont come on line for a week and people are fighting, dieing, moving, and crying! Mama will fix all of this! EVERYONE GET OVER YOUR SHIT AND LETS ALL TALK ABOUT ME ME ME! HE HE JK! I give an award to derek who is getting out of this shit hole of a state. CONGRATS BUTTMUNCH! send me a postcard and a beer! There isn't much going on in my life i got a car sear for the little baby! lol and lots of cloths. I am getting a job but i don't know where! lol thats about it! humm maybe i will write more later i am going to write my name in the snow (i am thinking yellow) bwhwhwhwhwhahahhahahha Current Mood: giddy
|Monday, January 10th, 2005|
|Gotta Getta GUND!!
There are two words for this weekend-long and smooth....Lol yeah so! This is Monday and mondays are always just mondays, no matter what happens on a monday its always just mon! ye! So yesterday i found out that one of my very good friends Sarah Hurlow is to be married! Its kind of cool. She and Rubie (he he) have been dating for a few years now and this Sept. they will be married, i was told to call her and that was the news..she asked me to do hair(which is soo cool) this is the first wedding of the class of 2004....in the same sense its so weird poeple are actually living real life and being in most cases real poeple! Its fun fun fun! I love sarah and i wish her the best of luck! (and fuck yeah i will be there girl) Ne ways laura stayed the night (we got freaky) lol jk we watched a movie last night and just are hanging out today! its all good! YEEEHAHHHA~ well i got my first baby gift the other day (well actually two) A friend from work Michel got me a super cute Winnie the Poo pajaie thingy, well anyways it pink and has winnie the poo on it, its sooooo tiny! i hope my baby isn't that small i have a habbit of misplacing things that arn't bigger then a car and sometimes even things that big, i loose. lol jk! I also got a diaper (just one) from Holly and Seth, one of my good friends and my cousin (room-mates) they got it free in the mail and wanted me to have it as babies first diaper, i told them we can stich it on the wall with a sign under stating "Babies First Shit" lol Unfortunatly its a babies first steps diaper and won't fit for a while! it will come in handy i am sure! well got to go and finish my hair..bye bye Current Mood: chipper
|Thursday, January 6th, 2005|
|Yeah for 20 years of life
My birthday is in 5 days its hard to believe i will be 20!!!!! I should really work on acting it soon! lol I want a house and a new car just to let ya all know!! lol jk My sister jessica said she was taking me Car seat shopping, thats fun! I think i will need a car to put the car seat in! lol I will have to drop that by my parents! well talk at ya all later bye Current Mood: crazy
|Wednesday, January 5th, 2005|
|The wild monkeys jump the blind old man!
ITS A GIRL..........now i can do a carebear themed room! thats the only reason i wanted a girl. I really really wanted a boy but i guess its not really a choice...lol thats ok it don't matter all that much there are plus's to both. Well i am really tired so thats all the updating i am going to do today! EHH ish i hate late night TV! sorry bye bye Current Mood: sleepy
|Tuesday, January 4th, 2005|
|If i had a million dollars.....
My dad got a loan from the bank for $100,000.00 to build a house which he will turn around and sell to pay off the loan, this is something he has been planning to do forever, he wants to try and build a house a year and pay some of my relatives to work on it, some of my family is involved in moving houses, garages,barns etc. and when winter comes around they are kind of out of work, so my dad wants them to help work on the house and he will pay them and in return they will haul the finished house for free. Its kind of a cool things i guess. I think he should build the house and give it to me! LOL He can pay off the loan by him self with out selling it! lol I don't know just an idea!! Well i cleaned all morning and now i am being lazy! lol I cleaned the back room (nathan and dustins) SPOTLESS~ in a day it will be messy again, i couldn't believe how messy it was, These boys take roman noodles and eat the raw well until they get sick of them then they throw the rest on the floor, there wasn't a inch of that room that wasn't covered in roman noodle crumbs!! ISH ohh and i throw everything that was broken away, toys! GONE! there are now toys in that room, they are 11 and 14 and they are PIGS~! I then cleaned the laundry area and bathroom, somewhat the kitchen, clean the living room but didn't vaccume i figure the kids can at least do that much its only one room 5 mins tops out of their after school activities of sitting motionless infront of the TV for 5 hours. BLAH IF my kids is that lazy and worthless and am going to go insane, kids need some sense of worth as in they can fucking clean up after themselves once in a great holy while! DAMN! N E ways, tonight is hollys birthday party, i want to go but not if its just a bunch of drunk drama. i probably will just because i want to see everyone and get out of this house. well done bitching and complaining! ttfn Current Mood: giddy
|Monday, January 3rd, 2005|
I woke up the morning full of energy got up did the dishes put a load of cloths in and climbed back in bed! that was a great morning...then i got tired and fell asleep for two more hours and got back up ate and finished my morning routine,dishes,laundry,vaccume,pick up: toys,books,old papers, odds and ends off the floors and fold blankets and put shit away. then Jake and i watched Spiderman 2 for the 3,000 time since the kids got it for christmas, and i crocheted my blanket some more. YEAh good day, Yesterday i spent all day at my cousin Seths house, watching tv and talking. then we made dinner and phil showed up as it was getting done (that boys has a good nose) so he ate too, and his girl friend Tiffany (who use to be a church girl at my church but now i hear those two fuck like rabbits) Imagine that! Well i got some pictures developed, there is such a cute on of jake and i its sooo sweet! i put it on my yahoo profile yeaheaheha! well i am going to to bye bye for now Current Mood: awake
|Friday, December 31st, 2004|
|Happy New Year
I have been sitting in front of this computer for 20 mins trying to think of something to write, but my mind draws a blank. I have thought alot about the last year and things i wish i could have done different, people i could have avoided, and friends i should have let go of long ago. But when it comes down to it..I had fun, i lived on the wild side and now i need to thing about the future. I don't need to impress anyone, i don't need anyone to bring me down, and i don't need anything but the people i love most in my life..close friends and family. I am having a baby dispite what anyone says or thinks about it. I will be fine, i dont' need anyone to worry. I want this baby, and i need this baby, it may be the only thing constant in my life for the next 18 years, and that is fine with me. For New Years I am going to put what past i can behind me and move on. I need this for me. i am going to stop worrying about others and be selfish. And if that makes me a bitch thats fine. I have changed, but its not a bad thing because unlike many of the people around me i have changed for the good i have grown up! and i hope only for them to do the same. I hope for my friends to not need to drink and smoke pot to have a good time, its now i realize how sad and lonely they will end up if they continue this life of nothingness. well i am done for now laura is here i lof that bitch!!!! Current Mood: determined
|Sunday, December 26th, 2004|
|MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS
Hello everyone its been a while. I had a pretty good christmas and i hope all of you have a good one too. I got socks! YES i really needed them....and bath stuff (i am a sucker for bubble baths now-a-days) lol My baby has been kicking a lot lately..prob because i have been eating soooo much it is trying to make room! lol I am still crocheting that blanket for it...its about 3 feet across and and inch and a half wide....five days in the making...ok so i am slow give me a break that book didn't teach me to be a super crocheter besides i am not going for a world record and i have 4 months to sit on it..figure of speech!!!! N E ways I haven't seen anyone friends wise but laura! lol I haven't heard from anyone either maybe the all fell of the face of the planet....it wouldn't be so bad better view of the stars! AHH this fucking dog keeps farting it smells like someone died....its body is probably still trying to digest the 5 pound bag of chocolate covered pretz. (with the plastic bag) it consumed the other day! lol fucker! bah. Jake got a wiggles red car for christmas..... I will never buy my child something that is not put together...i smashed my finger the same finger three times trying to put that POS together, and after the 300 stickers and the steering wheel i was very angry! he likes it though he rides it around the house and runs into everything that could possible fall and make a loud sound. The other kids liked everything they got i was glad i really dont' know what to get them neither does there mom seeing the only hobbies they have is TV and food and well i didn't think they needed anymore of either one. Ahh yes my mom gave me a little frog "for the baby" it was sweet! she is sooo much better now we had a talk and things are ok now. She told me she wants a grand-daughter. lol Tracy told me if its a boy i am walking home! I really don't mind if it is a boy but i want a girl, but if its a boy i will have lots of hand me downs!!! yeahhhhhhh well i am going to go now I will write sometime soon!! bye bye love ya all Current Mood: geeky
|Tuesday, December 21st, 2004|
I don't know whats is up i get up at like 7 or 8 every day, Yesterday i cleaned out all the cabinets vaccumed and all, organized everything, and today i got up and baked cookies. Bahh it must be this good crack they put in my prenatal vitamins! lol Laura is in I'falls, and Whitney went home Sunday so my coffee hours are with just me at the moment, i really haven't found anyone that enjoys drinking coffee as much as those two girls. There are a few but i would rather not hear about their ex-boyfriends so i don't hang out thing them much. Jake turned Three sunday... that boy is sooo smart it seems like he should be 8 but just a baby too. if that makes sense, he is so smart I don't ever remember being that smart at so young! lol or even now! this kid drink milk like a freak so today i introduced him to Chocolate milk.... didn't go so well. eh enough said today maybe later i will write more but i am bored now and need to go and do something.. Current Mood: energetic
|Saturday, December 11th, 2004|
So I have been to the end of my rope in a day! I had a total freak out period this morning, I cried for about an hour and really didn't know what the hell was wrong. Ugh... so you know the feeling where a friend doesn't reply to things you directed to them? Yeah totally got that feeling today...reading journal entries. BAH I am so tired!! of everything!! Jessica drinks all the time now... and she is the kind of person that when she drinks she cries NON STOP! About stupid guys that she sleeped with once and they were mean to her after (DUH) i just want to slap her! Last night Whitney stayed up town when i went home becaues i was sick... the only reason she stayed was to drive jessica home. Whitney called me at 3:00 a.m. to ask if i knew where they were bars had closed an hour before, i called and fucking jessica forgot about whitney... well didn't forget but she was having fun! She told me " you always try to ruin my fun" NO YOU DUMB ASS I DRIVE YOUR DRUNK ASS HOME AND MAKE SURE YOU DON'T KILL YOURSELF! AHHHHHHHHHHH I don't miss drinking at all! i don't miss the people i use to drink with! Whitney was on her way to the dorms (walking about 10 blocks in the middle of the night) when Ryen picked her up and brought her to jessica and she drove jessica home! i am so glad she was not a crying bitch. cuz i would have knocked her the fuck out! well got to go i am sick and getting dizzy again! blah blah blakkkkk Current Mood: disappointed
|Friday, December 10th, 2004|
Hey everyone.............. Whitney is over for the weekend, i relate to this girl so much its crazy. Her brother shot himself last spring and just the things she has been through are almost exactly what i have gone through... Its crazy i met her about a week ago and me are pretty close its funny how things work. she gets along with tracys kids very well and she don't even have kids that amazing.... lol well tracy is making christmas cookies with bryan, i am glad she is getting n the christmas spirit and not seeming so down. Laura went to I'falls for the weekend to see brooke. I think i will be good for her to get away from all the bull shit sorrounding her life right now in Wisconsin. I am so excited for christmas i have a feeling that santa might bring me a car and a house (thats not much to ask for is it) lol jk well Derek is going to New York i hear i am i hope he has a good time and gets things staightened out with jerm. As much as i think i can live with out him..it bugs me much to know i can't call him and just say hi. I hope he reads this and might maybe call me so we can talk. I really can't afford to loose people that i bonded with thats much in such a little time. I said some pretty mean things and i am kicking myself in the ass right now but i don't know. its hard to think about things when i can't think most of the time. I talked to holly about all this stuff and she gave me some pretty good advice. I don't know though derek seemed pretty set on what he said to me and if i could have one thing from christmas it would be for him to call me even though i have not been nice this year. Blah i dont know!!! There are so many things i want to say to people but i don't in fear that i will be the wrong thing and i will go through the same thing over agian... My life is so spotty right now its like a dream that i can't stop! I know that christmas this year will be hard... There are two things i want... Sanity and Hope! I have a small amout of hope but the more the better. Sanity comes and goes in my life! I suppose that will always be though. I turn twenty in a month and 2 day. its soo weird i have a lot of growing up to do! lol well i am going to go pee its my new hobby...lol ba-bye and ho ho ho! not me though! Current Mood: lol right dont miss that
I went to hollys last night it was just me and her there so we talked about a lot of stuff, then before she went to work today we went for coffee, it was fun! I came home feeling so content. I havnt really just hung out with someone in a long ass time. Well i have but no one i can talk to and get good advice. well i will write more when i have more to say! bye bye Current Mood: contemplative
|Thursday, December 9th, 2004|
|slut gate "yeah i still got it"
Last night i went to my cousin Seths house, I haven't really talked to Seth in a long time "like years" but he moved in with my good friend holly this year and we have kind of been catching up on things. Seth is gay this is something that i also just found out, there was always the thought in my head but i never really thought that comming from my family it would be! Well he is the funniest person i have met in a long time. We just talk about our family and laugh. Its differnt to have a close friend from you family because you have so much more to talk about. And he knows what i am talking about when i talk about people in my family. He told me he likes a friend of mine, which is really cool with me because this friend and him really have a lot in common, plus i know that this friend isn't a heart breaker or two faced. I don't know if things between them with work out but i hope for the best!
I got pic from laura from last spring when her, derek, and I took a trip to the cities to go to the gay 90's the pic are so funny we have one of the three of us as i am driving really bad head shot! it is funny laura and derek are both looking at the camera and i am looking at the road! " thank god for that!" there is a pic of dereks croch???? dont' really know what the hell was going on there i think he was changing and laura said she might have taken it,.,, i was pretty drunk them so i don't know. I have a pic of me chuggin the Mixed juice and making a weird face...i don't know it brings back good times.
I went to star gate last night, i am in my 5 month of preg. but i can still dance.. lol when my cuz seth got there laura and i were dancing pretty dirty and seth comes up to me and goes do you know you have an aud.?? i was like what? and a few feet ways there was a group of guys "black guys" stareing, i was like fuck them look somewhere else fuckers!!!! I am in no way goign down that road again! bluckcuehaithgksfdi!!!!!! Then there was this really drunk guy behind me in a hat and a suit thingy dancing and poking me in the ass with his very very very little boner! i was so grossed out i stopped dancing and stood there thinging he would go away...Seth came and danced with me for a min and the guy went away but as soon as Seth and moved apart this freak started in again. i turned around and said umm i am married and really dont' want you humping my ass, he said well i am single and just want to have a good time...... i said well have a good time with her she is single pointing at my friend whitney! ohh boy did i get the look from her a few mins later as he was poking her! lol i laughed so hard i almost peed! lol she wasn't amused! well i don't think i will be going to star gate for a while but maybe some day............
I decided that once i have my baby i don't want to be drunk ever.... i will have a few drinks here and there but never be drunk drunk. not that i will have time but you know what i mean. I have had so much fun the last few days just hanging out with the drunk people at Seths house and realized i don't need to drink to have fun!!! blah i suppose i should have realized that a long time ago but i am use to haning out with stupid drunks not funny and talkitive drunks! but i dont' thinking i will be much of a partier even after i actually can! I want to be there every day with my baby in full thoughts and energy, not hung over and puking! bluch!!!! NE ways i am sick of typing and i am hungry so i am going to go and eat the fridge! yummmmmmmmmm!!! bye bye 4 now! Current Mood: energetic
|Wednesday, December 8th, 2004|
I was late for my appointment today by like 20 mins...because laura had to take a 30 min shower!!! lol so i didn't get to have to ultra sound so i don't know what the sex of the thing growing inside of me is. I will in four more weeks... i don't think i can wait that long. its like waiting for chirstmas in the middle of july! blah Thats ok i guess i am not mad at laura but if it was her app. she would be pissed at me! i love the girl but her mult. personalities are kind of bothersome once in a while. On the other hand i don't know where i would be without her! We got to hear the babies heart beat i was glad she was there with me for that! i told my doc that mario and i are over and i plan on being a single mom! she said it was good that i had friends to help me along the road! well thats it i am going to star gate tonight with laura and a new friend of mine whitney! you gain some and you loose some! blah bye bye Current Mood: content
|Sunday, December 5th, 2004|
|Making up for lost time.
SO today i came to a conclusion I am writing in here often to make up for all the times i didn't. LOL Nah i just don't have a life the last couple of days and have a lot on my mind.
I am drinking about a pot a coffee a min... so i am kind of shaky lol.
I wish the next 5 months were over and i could just start getting on with things.. it is so hard to know how my future will turn out... I hope for the best but my dad is one of those people who thinks he can predicted the future and tells me all the time "your going to have a hard life" But me being the smart ass i say "well it can't get any worse then what i have gone through already bring it on" I am one of those people that if someone tells me i can't i will. if someone tells me i will have a bad life i will go out of my way to have a great life. I think i am doing pretty well despite a few bumps in the road that i have to get out the steam roller and flatten out!
When someone tells me i will be a bad mom i laugh and think to my self ok my sister has had 4 kids and every summer and weekend for the last 9 years i have baby-sat them and helped raise them...and they have all survived! They are weird like me but what else can ya do. I beat my self stupid trying to get everyones words out of my head. And my sister told me the other night in a heart to heart, "do you think i would leave you alone with my children if i didn't trust you were a good motherly figure to look after them?" I didn't know how to answer between the frantic bawling and tears i said "ummmm no" it took the next day of watching her kids and seeing how well they have turned out to understand what she was saying, every birthday i made the cakes... every Christmas and Easter i filled the the stockings and hid the baskets with her and i am so proud to say i love these kids so much and they have turn into such good kids. Every time dustin makes me mad and mouths off i learn something about him, he is just like his dad which i hate to say but he has the heart and compassion just like his mother. Everytime nathan offers to help me clean i see him growing up into a polite young man. he is 14 now i hope to teach him to drive and be there for his first prom! Bryan now 8 tells me no still but when he stoled keys from me and a few days returned them with tears in his eyes saying how sorry he was, it makes me happy that he new what was right and did the right thing! And Jake almost three i have changed countless diapers and gave bubble baths all the time,,, i know what kids need LOVE! kids that don't have love don't love others. these boys love everyone! Jake is so smart at 2 he loves to be read to and loves to finger paint me pictures. (all which are frige approved) They are all so sweet when they want to be and so loud (all the time) that i believe that i am ready for a baby! And i know i can count on them to help me with the things they can handle (diapers are a long shot but they changed jake sometimes) I am happy to say these are my nephews. Jake calls laura all the time and tells he how much he misses her! He loves everyone that comes into this house and misses them when they leave! I can only hope that my baby grows to be a wonderful as these boys. I have tracy to call late at night to ask questions and my mom will be there too (once she sees the baby she will fall in love i know her) So on that long note! I know will be a good mom no matter what people say i can just laugh and roll them over and show them how wrong they really are! well got to go! drank too much coffee and have to peeeeeeeeeeeee! Current Mood: calm