karrikingbutch (kingbutchkarri) wrote,

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Making up for lost time.

SO today i came to a conclusion I am writing in here often to make up for all the times i didn't. LOL Nah i just don't have a life the last couple of days and have a lot on my mind.

I am drinking about a pot a coffee a min... so i am kind of shaky lol.

I wish the next 5 months were over and i could just start getting on with things.. it is so hard to know how my future will turn out... I hope for the best but my dad is one of those people who thinks he can predicted the future and tells me all the time "your going to have a hard life" But me being the smart ass i say "well it can't get any worse then what i have gone through already bring it on" I am one of those people that if someone tells me i can't i will. if someone tells me i will have a bad life i will go out of my way to have a great life. I think i am doing pretty well despite a few bumps in the road that i have to get out the steam roller and flatten out!

When someone tells me i will be a bad mom i laugh and think to my self ok my sister has had 4 kids and every summer and weekend for the last 9 years i have baby-sat them and helped raise them...and they have all survived! They are weird like me but what else can ya do. I beat my self stupid trying to get everyones words out of my head. And my sister told me the other night in a heart to heart, "do you think i would leave you alone with my children if i didn't trust you were a good motherly figure to look after them?" I didn't know how to answer between the frantic bawling and tears i said "ummmm no" it took the next day of watching her kids and seeing how well they have turned out to understand what she was saying, every birthday i made the cakes... every Christmas and Easter i filled the the stockings and hid the baskets with her and i am so proud to say i love these kids so much and they have turn into such good kids. Every time dustin makes me mad and mouths off i learn something about him, he is just like his dad which i hate to say but he has the heart and compassion just like his mother. Everytime nathan offers to help me clean i see him growing up into a polite young man. he is 14 now i hope to teach him to drive and be there for his first prom! Bryan now 8 tells me no still but when he stoled keys from me and a few days returned them with tears in his eyes saying how sorry he was, it makes me happy that he new what was right and did the right thing! And Jake almost three i have changed countless diapers and gave bubble baths all the time,,, i know what kids need LOVE! kids that don't have love don't love others. these boys love everyone! Jake is so smart at 2 he loves to be read to and loves to finger paint me pictures. (all which are frige approved) They are all so sweet when they want to be and so loud (all the time) that i believe that i am ready for a baby! And i know i can count on them to help me with the things they can handle (diapers are a long shot but they changed jake sometimes) I am happy to say these are my nephews. Jake calls laura all the time and tells he how much he misses her! He loves everyone that comes into this house and misses them when they leave! I can only hope that my baby grows to be a wonderful as these boys. I have tracy to call late at night to ask questions and my mom will be there too (once she sees the baby she will fall in love i know her) So on that long note! I know will be a good mom no matter what people say i can just laugh and roll them over and show them how wrong they really are! well got to go! drank too much coffee and have to peeeeeeeeeeeee!
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