Music:some bullshit that won't play in this computer! bah
Hey everyone.............. Whitney is over for the weekend, i relate to this girl so much its crazy. Her brother shot himself last spring and just the things she has been through are almost exactly what i have gone through... Its crazy i met her about a week ago and me are pretty close its funny how things work. she gets along with tracys kids very well and she don't even have kids that amazing.... lol well tracy is making christmas cookies with bryan, i am glad she is getting n the christmas spirit and not seeming so down. Laura went to I'falls for the weekend to see brooke. I think i will be good for her to get away from all the bull shit sorrounding her life right now in Wisconsin. I am so excited for christmas i have a feeling that santa might bring me a car and a house (thats not much to ask for is it) lol jk well Derek is going to New York i hear i am i hope he has a good time and gets things staightened out with jerm. As much as i think i can live with out him..it bugs me much to know i can't call him and just say hi. I hope he reads this and might maybe call me so we can talk. I really can't afford to loose people that i bonded with thats much in such a little time. I said some pretty mean things and i am kicking myself in the ass right now but i don't know. its hard to think about things when i can't think most of the time. I talked to holly about all this stuff and she gave me some pretty good advice. I don't know though derek seemed pretty set on what he said to me and if i could have one thing from christmas it would be for him to call me even though i have not been nice this year. Blah i dont know!!! There are so many things i want to say to people but i don't in fear that i will be the wrong thing and i will go through the same thing over agian... My life is so spotty right now its like a dream that i can't stop! I know that christmas this year will be hard... There are two things i want... Sanity and Hope! I have a small amout of hope but the more the better. Sanity comes and goes in my life! I suppose that will always be though. I turn twenty in a month and 2 day. its soo weird i have a lot of growing up to do! lol well i am going to go pee its my new hobby...lol ba-bye and ho ho ho! not me though!